Let Her Cry
by NinjaGirl04
Summary: Mac has been getting bad headaches and it is getting worse. She goes to the doctor and awaits the results.
1. Default Chapter

A/N: Hey everybody.this is my first fan fiction so I'm not sure how it has turned out so far. I'm thinking about continuing but only if you want me to.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Harm and Mac, or any other JAG character. Come on.do you think I would actually be sitting at my computer writing Fan fiction if I could see Harm in person.Hell No!  
  
  
  
0600  
  
Mac's Apartment  
  
*Beep Beep Beep Beep*  
  
Colonel Sarah Catherine Mackenzie woke up to her annoying yet persistent alarm clock. "Oh please God.just one more hour." She groggily rolled out of her warm bed and dragged her body sleepily across the floor to her bathroom.  
  
She frowned when she reached the medicine cabinet. "Ugh.the pain is back." She thought to herself. Hurriedly she grabbed the bottle of Aspirin that she has recently become accustomed to and downed three large pills. For the pas two weeks Mac has been putting up with a headache that just wont go away.  
  
Quickly she got dressed after calculating that she had 31 minutes and 23 seconds till she had to be at JAG HQs. After fixing her hair and striating her uniform she glanced in the mirror and grimaced at her appearance. There were bags under her eyes and her naturally tan skin looked pale. She turned, grabbed her cover and left.  
  
0700  
  
JAG HQs  
  
Stepping off the elevators she looked around the Bullpen to find that her Flyboy partner was already there.  
  
Harm caught sight of Sarah walking in and smiled that perfect smile that could make any girl's heart melt. A warm feeling ran through Mac the same as always when he smiles at her. * God I love it when he does that * she mused herself.  
  
She smiled back at him with a weak smile that didn't go unnoticed. "Oh no.it's not another headache is it?" Harm asked worriedly.  
  
"Yeah.it came back last night. But I'm okay, I promise I took some Aspirin this morning." Mac replied with a fake smile.  
  
Harm knew she was lying but he let it go, he could see the pain in her eyes. He could always tell what she was feeling by just looking at her. He thought it was because they had been partners for so long, but deep down he knows it's because he is so in love with her.  
  
Throughout the day Harm and Mac worked on a case in Mac's office.barely speaking to each other. They stayed after the time they normally go home to finish it. Mac let loose a yawn. "I'm going to go home, ok? I'm kind of tired."  
  
"What's wrong marine, didn't get enough sleep last night?" Harm questioned jokingly.  
  
"I had a headache and I was up late.so not really." Mac answered sheepishly.  
  
Harm was worried, Mac's headaches had been coming more frequently and she had been looking more and more pale everyday. Another thing that made him worry was the fact that her appetite has been decreasing and she wasn't eating much. "Mac, if you don't go to the doctor I'll tell the Admiral and have him make it an order!" Harm stated firmly but lovingly.  
  
"Relax Harm, I've made an appointment for tomorrow morning, and I've already cleared it with the Admiral. Besides it isn't anything serious, they're just headaches." Actually Mac was a little worried herself.she had been under a lot of stress before and yet never had headaches this bad.  
  
A/N: Let me know if I should continue, because this is my first Fan fiction and I don't know if it's good or not. 


	2. Doctor

A/N: Thank you guys so much for all the reviews! I didn't think I was going to get any good one's since it was my first fanfic and all.oh I feel so special! Thanks!!!  
  
Disclaimer: Of course I don't own them!  
  
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0715  
  
Falls Church Medical Center  
  
Mac sat alone in the crowded waiting room of her doctor's office and flipped through an old, torn magazine. Fed up with being unable to find anything the least bit interesting to read, she threw it back on the coffee table with the many others. She rested her head on the palm of her hand and sighed. "This is ridiculous.I don't even know why I'm worried."  
  
About 30 minutes later, a short chubby nurse with greasy hair and runs in her stockings poked her pudgy head into the waiting room. "Sarah Mackenzie!" When she saw Mac look up she continued. "Follow me sweetie."  
  
Mac stood up and walked behind the woman until they reached a small room that looked only big enough to fit about five people in it. It smelt of band-aids and was cluttered with bad decorations. She shuddered and remembered why she hated going to the doctor.  
  
"Have a seat sweetie, I'm just going to ask you some questions and take a few notes." The nurse ordered.  
  
Mac reluctantly sat down on the tall paper covered bed and stiffened as it crinkled.  
  
"Okay honey.what brings you here today?"  
  
Mac looked up. "I've been having very painful headaches for the last two weeks that just don't seem to go away." She watched as the elderly lady scribbled this all down on her chart and couldn't help but stare at the excessively large mole on the woman's hairy chin.  
  
"I'll just take your temperature and be on my way. The doctor should be with you shortly." The nurse said sprightfully. She walked over to the cabinet and took out a little plastic strip, which she placed under Mac's tongue. About a minute later she then took it out and walked out the door, letting it slam behind her.  
  
Mac sat impatiently, twisting and straightening her skirt in her hands. It seemed like hours she was in there when finally a tall, dark haired man with beautiful blue eyes walked in and announced himself. "Hi Sarah, my name is Dr. Carr. I heard you were suffering from some headaches." It was more of a question than a statement.  
  
Mac nodded her reply, inwardly groaning. "They just don't seem to go away.and I've been taking Aspirin which usually works, but..."  
  
"Have you been under a lot of stress lately, Sarah? Any problems at home or work?" The doctor proceeded.  
  
Mac rolled her eyes "No.well Harm, I mean my partner and I are working on a major case. But we have worked on many cases and this has never happened before." She answered knowingly.  
  
"Well.I think it may have to do with stress, so I'm just going to prescribe you something a little stronger than Aspirin to ease the pain, and if in a week the headaches aren't gone I want you to come back and see me." Dr. Carr handed her the prescription and held the door open for her to leave.  
  
Mac said thank you ad left to go pay at the counter. On the way to her apartment she stopped off at a Walgreens and dropped off her prescription.  
  
((((((((((((((((The Next Day(((((((((((((((((  
  
0700  
  
JAG HQs  
  
Mac stepped off the elevator and went straight to her office. The pills that Dr. Carr gave her were working better than the Aspirin but the pain wasn't completely gone.  
  
When she got in her office she noticed that there was a mountain of paperwork and files on her desk for the case Harm and her were working on. "Another busy day. just what I need."  
  
Harm walked into the bullpen and headed straight for Mac's office, he smiled at her as he walked in. "How did it go colonel? He asked compassionately, referring to the doctor's appointment she had yesterday.  
  
"I told you that you had nothing to worry about Harm.the doctor said that it's just stress.  
  
While exchanging smiles they heard a knock at the door. "Enter" Mac called.  
  
Tiner walked through the door.  
  
"Sir, Ma'am, the admiral would like to see you in his office ASAP."  
  
Harm and Mac looked at each other quizzically and replied. "We'll be right there." They stood up and suddenly Mac felt dizzy but brushed it off. "Whoa that was weird."  
  
"What was weird Mac?" Harm asked concerned  
  
"Oh it was nothing I guess I just stood up to fast." She walked up to Harm and headed toward the admiral's office. They knocked on the door.  
  
"Enter." The steady, hardy voice of the admiral called. "At ease. How is the case going? I trust your feeling better colonel."  
  
"Yes sir. The case is going fine sir we have gone through all the files and questioned all the witnesses and suspects." Mac answered.  
  
The admiral went on talking with Harm. Mac was getting really dizzy and brought her hand up to her face.  
  
"Mac.your nose is bleeding!" Harm called out. The admiral handed her a tissue and she wiped of the blood.  
  
"I'm just a little dizzy sir, I'm okay."  
  
"Alright.dismissed. Oh and colonel get that nose checked."  
  
"Aye aye sir." Harm and Mac stood and left.  
  
Harm was really worried, " Are you sure you're okay Mac?" He looked over at her partner and saw her holding her head with her hand. "Mac?" She looked over at him and her eyes rolled back in her head and she started to fall. Harm instinctively caught her and called for help. The admiral came out of his office because of all the commotion and saw Harm and Harriet leaning over an unconscious Mac.  
  
"Harriet, call an ambulance."  
  
"Yes sir." Harriet looked down at Mac once more.  
  
"Now!" Admiral called to an exasperated Harriet.  
  
She ran and got the phone and dialed 911. 


	3. Hospital

A/N: I apologize for taking forever with this, but I had semester exams all of last week and had to study and crap. But thanks for being so patient I really appreciate it. :o) I know this chapter isn't going to be as good as my others, but hey I tried. This is going to be kind of short.but I will write more ASAP, I promise!  
  
Disclaimer: As it was before, is, and always will be, I don't own the characters of JAG. : *(  
  
1100  
  
Falls Church Hospital  
  
Harm sat in a cold, hard chair in the waiting room of the Hospital. He was fidgeting with his hands and he didn't hear when the doctor called to him. The doctor came up and tapped on his shoulder.  
  
"Excuse me sir, are you here with Miss. Mackenzie?"  
  
Harm looked up his eyes wide in anticipation to find out what is wrong with his best friend and love of his life. "Yeah" he replied almost inaudibly.  
  
"She's awake and would like to see you, follow me." They seemed to be walking down that hallway forever; he needed to see her with his own eyes. His heart crumbled in his chest when she collapsed into his arms this morning. He couldn't imagine anything to be wrong with his beautiful jarhead.  
  
The doctor stopped and turned toward Harm, "I'll be back in five minutes or so to explain her condition to you."  
  
Harm just nodded, "her 'condition'?" He tapped gently on the door and opened it up. When he looked inside he smiled as he saw Mac sitting up on the bed filling out a small crossword puzzle.  
  
"Hey Jarhead, how are you doing'?  
  
She looked up at Harm and smiled. "Hey Harm. I'm fine.just a little dizzy, but I'm fine." She hated to make Harm worry about her and she could see the concerned look in his deep blue eyes.  
  
He looked at her with that look that screams yeah right! And stared at her while waiting for an explanation.  
  
She could feel his eyes on her so she looked up and slumped. "What?"  
  
"Uh.did you hear any news from the doctor? Did he tell you what's wrong with you?" Harm stared deeply at her wondering why she was avoiding the question.  
  
Mac looked back down at her crossword puzzle, "It's nothing" she paused "you know what.I'm hungry!" She couldn't handle telling him what the doctor had told her, she was so afraid. She had to be strong, if not for herself than for him.  
  
"Mac.why are you changing the subject, what's wrong?" He was getting really scared now, why is she trying to act like nothing happened?  
  
Mac closed her eyes tightly to try to hold back the tears that were sure to come. She chuckled, "God Harm, why do you always have to be so damn persistent?" She looked at him and smiled.  
  
"Mac what's wrong? Please just tell me." He pleaded with her. He was becoming more fearful by every passing breath.  
  
Mac was about to open her mouth when the doctor came through the door. "Hello, I'm Dr. Phillips." He said while reaching out to shake Harm's hand. He looked over at Mac and asked, "Did you tell him yet?" She shook her head no, and gave Harm a sad glance. How can I tell him? She thought to herself.  
  
The doctor picked up on this and looked at her. "Will it make it easier if I were to tell him?"  
  
She smiled and said, "Actually it'd make it a lot easier, thanks."  
  
The doctor sat down on his little rolling stool and looked over at a confused Harm. "Well we think that there might be some kind of blockage in Sarah's brain. We want to have her get an MRI so we can try and find what it is. Most likely it's a tumor, and if it is we need to find out as soon as possible whether it's cancerous or not."  
  
Harm just sat back and let this all sink in. He couldn't believe that the doctor was saying this; there is nothing wrong with Sarah. "How could that be? She just went to the doctor a day ago and he told her that it was just stress."  
  
Mac knew that he was going to take this bad; after all he is her best friend, even more than that. "That was just a prognosis Harm, he wanted me to come back in a week anyway to make sure."  
  
The doctor cut in, "Well I suggest you go home and rest now Sarah, you will have to come in, in the morning to get that MRI done. I'll see you then, I wish you the best."  
  
With that the doctor left Harm and Mac alone. Mac stood up, "Well I guess we had better get going huh?" He looked over at her. * God I love her so much * He thought to himself. * I can't bear to lose her, I won't lose her, they don't even know for sure if she has it or not. * He walked up to her and grabbed her hand, and they walked out to his car together. 


	4. One More Week

A/N: Hi guys! I'm really bored right now so I decided I should use my time wisely and update! :o) This chapter might be really crappy but I've been sick with the flu for a week and counting so I'm a bit delirious.  
  
Disclaimer: I wish I could own DJE.but it doesn't work that way. I don't own any of the JAG characters, but I'm crossing my fingers!  
  
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1137  
  
Somewhere in Falls Church, VA  
  
Harm wanted to go with Mac to her appointment for the MRI but Mac told him that she'd be okay and that he needed to go to work on that case of theirs.  
  
It had been extremely hard for her to tell the Admiral why she had to take the morning off. He had looked at her and rubbed his chin with his fingers, and she could tell by the look in his eyes that he felt sorry and scared for her. She hated when people pitied her, especially the ex navy seal that is supposedly hard as a rock and has to keep his emotions bottled up.  
  
She was walked down the street contemplating her appointment. They had to put these little pad things all over her head to monitor her brain waves, and then she had to lie in that long and loud machine for about an hour. It was so uncomfortable, it felt as if aliens had abducted her and they were performing gruesome tests on her. * I hope I never have to go through that ever again! *  
  
The doctors told her that she did in fact have a tumor lodged in her sinus cavity, but the results whether the tumor is cancerous or not won't be back for about a week. * Great, another week of worrying. God.and Harm, what will he say? *  
  
She didn't feel like going back to JAG HQ's today. It wasn't really that she had to go back to work, but that she had to face Harm. *Oh come on.suck it up already, my God you're a marine *  
  
She walked for about 30 minutes longer until she reached the JAG building. It took her a while to build up enough courage to go in, but she did.  
  
The elevator in the building seemed to take forever and stop at every floor, and every time a person would step on or off. Her heart was beating so fast and loud that she swore that everyone could hear it, and was amazed that they all weren't starring at her like some freak.  
  
When she finally reached her destination the doors opened and she stepped off. She looked around to see everybody working busily and let out a sigh of relief to see Harm working in his office.  
  
Quickly, so a certain person wouldn't spot her, Mac walked into her own office. Sitting down at her desk she put her head in her hands and sighed, "thank God!" She blurted out to no one in particular.  
  
"Thank God what, Mac?" Harm smiled and let out a laugh. "I saw you sneak into your office, so I came to see how you are doing."  
  
Mac groaned and looked up. "I wasn't sneaking, I just didn't feel like conversing. And by the way I feel fine."  
  
"How did your appointment go? What did the doctors say?" Harm asked impatiently. He was so worried about the woman of his dreams.  
  
"It was okay." She sucked in a deep breath of air to prepare herself for what was to come. "They found a tumor Harm. in my sinus cavity, they don't know if it is cancerous or not. they won't know for about a week." She finished and looked down at the stack of papers that were laid out in front of her. She didn't want to look at Harm, the moment she would let herself fall into those baby blues she just knew that she would loose all control.  
  
Harm couldn't think of anything to say, for he was at a loss of words. So instead of talking he walked over to where Mac was sitting and lifted her into his arms with a big hug. He was so scared for her, why did it have to be her? Why not him? He wanted so badly to cry but he had to be strong for her.  
  
She clung tightly to him, letting a few tears slide down her cheeks and onto his shoulder.  
  
"It's going to be okay Sarah, I promise. It's going to be okay." He held onto her a few minutes longer before they had to split apart. "I want you to know whatever it is that's wrong, I'll always be there for you, no matter what."  
  
"I know, Harm." She smiled at Harm, and he brought his hand to her face to wipe off a couple remaining tears.  
  
Mac sat back down at her desk and watched as Harm left her office. She once again looked down at her papers. * I wish we could be more than friends * that thought always seemed to cross her mind.  
  
Harm glanced at his love once more before he left her door and went to his own office. Deep down in his heart he knows everything is going to be just fine, he just wished that he could believe it. 


	5. The Results

A/N: I'm still sick with the flu, yea! So the warning of current state of delirium still stands. ( Also, if this is crummy, I wrote it really late at night because I couldn't sleep.  
  
Disclaimer: Gosh DJE is hot! Well anyway. I don't own any of the JAG characters or JAG itself. If you did not know this then I pity you.  
  
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Exactly 1 Week and 1 day later  
  
0800  
  
Mac's Office  
  
Mac sat at her desk with her face laying flat on an open folder and her arms stretched out in front of her. The doctor was supposed to call her yesterday and she was trying her best to wait patiently. The past week had gone by terribly slow, and the fact that she didn't know exactly when they were going to call with her results didn't help.  
  
"Hey ma'am, how are you holding up?" Harriet sat down on a chair in Mac's office. She was concerned with her friend's wellbeing. Over the past week she had noticed that Mac had more nosebleeds and headaches. Also, that she had secluded herself more than usual, and remained mostly in her office.  
  
Mac didn't move her head from its spot on the folder. "Yeah.I'm great!" She had said that a little sarcastically, but not with intention.  
  
"Are you sure ma'am? You don't look to great, and you're talking to your desk." Harriet smiled at her weak friend.  
  
Mac chuckled at her friend's comment and picked up her tired head. There were bags under her eyelids and her face remained pale. She squinted as she focused on Harriet. "I'm fine."  
  
"Do you want to talk about it Mac?" Harriet knew that Mac didn't want to talk about i.e. She had been secluding herself, but she needs to talk about it.  
  
* She didn't call me ma'am, she must really be worried * Mac thought to herself. She paused for a moment to debate whether or not she wanted to talk to her friend and thought what the hay. "I'm just worried is all.I mean, what if I do have Cancer and I have to get surgery.or I die?" Mac whispered the last part and continued. "I hate hospitals and doctors to begin with, and I especially don't want to be spending the rest of my life with them!"  
  
Harriet looked sympathetically at her friend. "Honey, you just have to think positively. Even if you do have Cancer and have to get surgery, it doesn't mean you're going to die, or suffer. You are a very strong woman. I know you better than anybody and I also know that you WILL get through this!" She reached across the desk and gave her best friend a hug.  
  
"I know Harriet. You're such a good friend.oh I love you!" They hugged again and Mac handed Harriet a tissue. Right then Bud came through the door.  
  
"You women are so mushy!"  
  
Harriet smiled at Bud. "Watch it or you'll end up on the couch tonight!" She laughed.  
  
Bud looked at Mac with a look of fear and then he took Harriet by the arm and left.  
  
Mac closed the door to her office and sat back down at her desk. As soon as she had gotten comfortable the phone rang. "Hello."  
  
"Hello, Colonel Mackenzie? *Pause* This is Dr. Phillips, your results came back from the lab and I have them with me."  
  
Mac sighed nervously and shook her head. "OK then, lets hear it."  
  
"Well.I regret to inform you that the tumor we found has tested positive and proven to be cancerous. You have Cancer." He paused every so often thinking of how he should put it, and waiting to hear a reaction of any kind from Mac.  
  
Mac didn't know how to react so she just said all right.  
  
"But don't loose hope Sarah, there are a lot of cases in which people overcome their Cancer. I'm sure you'll be one of them."  
  
Mac was still shocked so she simply replied, "yeah."  
  
"Now, I think you should come in so we can talk about surgery. We will need to do this as soon as possible, the sooner you have the surgery the better. We don't want the Cancer to spread. You are very lucky that we caught this early on.  
  
After the doctor had said farewell Mac softly placed the phone on the receiver. She had an appointment for the following afternoon and had to talk to the admiral. Since the admiral had called both Harm and herself in to talk about the case they were working on, she figured this was as good of time as any.  
  
Harm had just finished telling the admiral about an interview he had with a possible suspect in their case when Mac decided to start. "Sir, I need tomorrow afternoon off. I have to go to an appointment."  
  
A.J. looked at her with worry obvious in his eyes. "If I may ask, what kind of an appointment?  
  
"I need to discuss with my doctor the surgery I will be getting." Harm looked at her painfully, he didn't think it was that bad. The admiral was just as surprised. She continued. "It turns out that the tumor in my sinus cavity tested positive. I have cancer and I need it removed before it can spread."  
  
Harm closed his eyes tightly and put his head in his hands. * I don't think I can handle this. God this just isn't fair! * He wanted to scream.  
  
The admiral just looked at her with shocked eyes. For the first time in a long time he just felt like breaking down and crying. He broke the silence. "Take off the whole day and rest. Dismissed!"  
  
"Aye aye, sir!" Mac hurried up and left. That was harder than she had anticipated. The silence nearly killed her she was glad she got it over with though. * It's not over yet; I still get to tell all of my other friends, Uncle Matt, and Chloe. * Great how was she going to make Chloe understand? * She is so young and innocent; I don't want her to loose her sister. Just remember what Harriet said, I can fight it, I'm strong, I'm a marine! *  
  
Harm had stayed in the Admiral's office, silent, too shocked to move. He was thinking about all of the times he had shared with Mac and how much he loves her when his CO's voice cut through.  
  
"I said dismissed, is there something you want?" He asked angrily.  
  
"No sir, aye aye sir." Harm stood up and left.  
  
The admiral sat down hard in his big chair and started to fidget with a pencil. He couldn't believe this was happening, not to her. She is just so.so.she's Mac! She can't have cancer, she's Mac! He clenched the pencil in his palm tightly and it snapped into two pieces.  
  
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The Next Day  
  
  
  
1330  
  
Falls Church Medical Center  
  
Mac sat in a small, secluded office waiting for the doctor to come in. It wasn't a normal doctor's office; it had a set of large comfortable chairs for patients and their families to sit in, and a large desk with a chair to match for the doctor. Mac picked up a small wooden frame off the desk and looked at it. It was a picture of a young couple with their little baby girl about three years of age. Mac began to think * what if I'm never able to have this? * A single tear slid down her cheek and she wiped it away. She set the frame back down on the desk and the doctor came in and shook her hand.  
  
"Hi Ms. Mackenzie, how are you feeling? Is the medicine working for the headaches?"  
  
Mac looked at the doctor and put on a fake smile. She wanted to ask him, "How do you think I am I just recently found out that I have cancer and need surgery," but thought better about it.  
  
"I'm still getting pretty bad headaches and I've been getting a lot of nosebleeds recently."  
  
"Well that's to be expected until you have the procedure to remove the tumor. By the way we need to discuss when you can have the surgery. We have a doctor that's able to do the surgery available in 4 days if that is ok with you." It was more of a question rather than a comment.  
  
"Ok, that's fine." Mac really didn't care; she just wanted this all to be over with.  
  
"You're very lucky, most people have to wait months before we can have a doctor available. This doctor was already scheduled to perform the same operation on a young girl, but he is available now."  
  
Mac was confused, "What happened to the young girl?"  
  
"Oh she passed away two nights ago. But don't worry, we didn't find her cancer as early as we found yours; her cancer had already spread throughout her body." The doctor smiled sadly thinking back on his patient who recently passed. "It's a shame, she was so young, only 13 years old. Well, I'll send you all the information on the surgery and you get plenty of rest and I'll see you soon." He stood up opened the door for Mac and watched her leave.  
  
Mac was now more scared than ever! Someone who had the same type of cancer as her just died from it. But that doesn't have to be her fate, that girl was young and fragile. Mac is tough and mature. * What am I thinking? Everything will be just fine. * She drove home and went straight to bed. 


	6. Sorry

My friend Brittni is going to finish this story for me because I don't have any time to write it. Sorry for the inconvenience. 


End file.
